The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

What you get free costs too much.

What you get free costs too much.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.