A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what read more

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another read more

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.