Funny

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.