Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.

Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Never insult anyone by accident.

Never insult anyone by accident.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

A stiff apology is a second insult... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been read more

A stiff apology is a second insult... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.