Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't read more

If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't laugh it off, it's probably deserved.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another read more

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans