My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said read more

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.