Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.