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I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?
If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story read more
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.
Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
