I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another read more

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is read more

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.