I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is read more

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only read more

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.