Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.