Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story read more

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.