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    I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

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  18  /  18  

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

by Mark Twain Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  47  /  21  

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

by Will Rogers Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  16  /  21  

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

by Rita Rudner Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  27  /  18  

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

by Jack Handey Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  20  /  23  

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

by Ethel Barrymore Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  54  /  19  

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

by Minna Antrim Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  6  /  10  

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

by Erma Bombeck Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  44  /  25  

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

by Groucho Marx Found in: Funny Quotes,
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Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

by Yogi Berra Found in: Funny Quotes,
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