Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story read more

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.