I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like read more

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story read more

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.