A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another read more

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.