Erma Bombeck

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a read more

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer.

Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer.

Skiing: I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill

Skiing: I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill