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    A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

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  33  /  31  

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

by W. C. Fields Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  24  /  29  

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

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  18  /  18  

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

by Mark Twain Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  18  /  21  

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

by Buddy Hackett Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  61  /  27  

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

by Frank Sinatra Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  19  /  10  

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  32  /  23  

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

by Mae West Found in: Funny Quotes, Language Quotes,
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  50  /  23  

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

by Cassandra Clare Found in: Funny Quotes,
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A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

by Paul Klee Found in: Funny Quotes,
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