Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story read more

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.