A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.