When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

What you get free costs too much.

What you get free costs too much.