Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.