Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them read more

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said read more

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?