Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.