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Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story read more
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.
In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.
To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.
The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.
The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
