If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what read more

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.