Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.rn

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.rn

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.