After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.