If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.