The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.