Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.