There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is read more

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.