My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.