A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.