A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such read more

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them read more

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.