Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less.

We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I must be a genius.

If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I must be a genius.

The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. -Fran Lebowitz.

The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. -Fran Lebowitz.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was read more

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding.

The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding.