I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like read more

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.