In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said read more

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.