The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what read more

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.