The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.rn

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.rn

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.