I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

What's a soup kitchen?

What's a soup kitchen?

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

What you get free costs too much.

What you get free costs too much.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.