The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.