A fellow can't keep people from having a bad opinion of him, but he can keep them from being right read more

A fellow can't keep people from having a bad opinion of him, but he can keep them from being right about it.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was read more

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect.

I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect.

The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, read more

The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a wide-spread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such read more

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.