I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

A man is getting along on the road to wisdom when he begins to realize that his opinion is just read more

A man is getting along on the road to wisdom when he begins to realize that his opinion is just an opinion.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, read more

The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a wide-spread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible

Everyone is more or less mad on one point.

Everyone is more or less mad on one point.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon; which raises the fear that it may read more

It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon; which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.