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    Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

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  27  /  18  

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

by Jack Handey Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  32  /  23  

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

by Mae West Found in: Funny Quotes, Language Quotes,
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  12  /  13  

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

by Henry A. Kissinger Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  47  /  21  

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

by Will Rogers Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  20  /  29  

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

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  33  /  25  

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

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  16  /  22  

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

by Groucho Marx Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  24  /  29  

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

by Oscar Wilde Found in: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes,
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  34  /  21  

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

by Janeane Garofalo Found in: Funny Quotes,
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