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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.
I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.
I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said read more
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was read more
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.