The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.