I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like read more

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.