Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.