I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like read more

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.