I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.