I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.