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Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

by Winston Churchill Found in: Funny Quotes,
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In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

by Oscar Wilde Found in: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes,
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To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

by Minna Antrim Found in: Funny Quotes,
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

by Groucho Marx Found in: Funny Quotes,
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Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

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