Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.