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Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

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I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

by Charlie Sheen Found in: Funny Quotes,
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I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

by Sam Levenson Found in: Funny Quotes,
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When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

by Norm Crosby Found in: Funny Quotes,
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

by Fran Lebowitz Found in: Funny Quotes,
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In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

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After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

by William S. Burroughs Found in: Funny Quotes,
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You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

by Ethel Barrymore Found in: Funny Quotes,
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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

by Groucho Marx Found in: Funny Quotes,
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