You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

I speak two languages, Body and English.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.