After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only read more

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them read more

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.