Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.