There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like read more

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.