A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.