I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what read more

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story read more

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.