After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another read more

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was read more

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.