When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such read more

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.