My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.