I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such read more

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?