When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.