I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another read more

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.