There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.