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Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

by Ethel Barrymore Found in: Funny Quotes,
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

by Fran Lebowitz Found in: Funny Quotes,
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

by Rodney Dangerfield Found in: Funny Quotes,
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

by W. C. Fields Found in: Funny Quotes,
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A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

by Paul Klee Found in: Funny Quotes,
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Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

by Delmore Schwartz Found in: Funny Quotes,
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There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

by Pj O'rourke Found in: Funny Quotes,
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The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

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