It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadayssaying things against one, behind one's back, that are absolutely and read more

It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadayssaying things against one, behind one's back, that are absolutely and entirely true.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

Gossip is what no one claims to like -- but everyone enjoys.

Gossip is what no one claims to like -- but everyone enjoys.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them read more

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Of every ten persons who talk about you, nine will say something bad, and the tenth will say something good read more

Of every ten persons who talk about you, nine will say something bad, and the tenth will say something good in a bad way.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.

He gossips habitually; he lacks the common wisdom to keep still that deadly enemy of man, his own tongue

He gossips habitually; he lacks the common wisdom to keep still that deadly enemy of man, his own tongue