Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only read more

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

A cruel story runs on wheels, and every hand oils the wheels as they run.

A cruel story runs on wheels, and every hand oils the wheels as they run.

A little public scandal is good once in a while. It takes the tension out of the news.

A little public scandal is good once in a while. It takes the tension out of the news.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

Popularity is glory's small change.

Popularity is glory's small change.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.