There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

Of every ten persons who talk about you, nine will say something bad, and the tenth will say something good read more

Of every ten persons who talk about you, nine will say something bad, and the tenth will say something good in a bad way.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business.

The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

Tell tales out of school.

Tell tales out of school.