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  11  /  21  

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  61  /  27  

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

by Frank Sinatra Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  31  /  29  

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story read more

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

by Helen Rowland Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  31  /  41  

Show me someone who never gossips, and I'll show you someone who isn't interested in people.

Show me someone who never gossips, and I'll show you someone who isn't interested in people.

by Barbara Walters Found in: Gossip Quotes,
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Avoid inquisitive persons, for they are sure to be gossips, their ears are open to hear, but they will not read more

Avoid inquisitive persons, for they are sure to be gossips, their ears are open to hear, but they will not keep what is entrusted to them.

by Horace Found in: Gossip Quotes,
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  37  /  55  

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

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  50  /  56  

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is read more

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

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I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

by Rita Rudner Found in: Funny Quotes,
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As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

by Buddy Hackett Found in: Funny Quotes,
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