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  7  /  12  

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

by W. C. Fields Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  6  /  12  

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

by Dan Quisenberry Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  23  /  40  

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

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There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

by Andrew Jackson Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  26  /  23  

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

by John Lennon Found in: Funny Quotes, Planning Quotes,
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  37  /  55  

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

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I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  11  /  11  

What you get free costs too much.

What you get free costs too much.

by Jean Anouilh Found in: Funny Quotes,
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If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

by Sam Levenson Found in: Funny Quotes,
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