An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story read more

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another read more

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

What you get free costs too much.

What you get free costs too much.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a read more

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac