Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was read more

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.