You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said read more

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.