Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.