You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.