If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was read more

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another read more

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.