The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such read more

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like read more

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.