Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.