Ne'er take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.

Ne'er take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.

A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry is to a woman.

A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry is to a woman.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

There is no kind of harassment that a man may not inflict on a woman with impunity in civilized societies.

There is no kind of harassment that a man may not inflict on a woman with impunity in civilized societies.

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this read more

Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this performance is apt to mark the end of their capacities. They can't even attend to the elementary animal requirements of their offspring. It is quite surprising how many children survive in spite of their mothers.

A bachelor has to have inspiration for making love to a woman, a married man needs only an excuse

A bachelor has to have inspiration for making love to a woman, a married man needs only an excuse