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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said read more
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.
The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.
The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.
