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  12  /  14  

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

by Victor Borge Found in: Funny Quotes,
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The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

by Diana Vreeland Found in: Funny Quotes,
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If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

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Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only read more

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

by Al Franken Found in: Funny Quotes,
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

by Jack Handey Found in: Funny Quotes,
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When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

by Norm Crosby Found in: Funny Quotes,
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Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

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