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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is read more

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

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After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

by William S. Burroughs Found in: Funny Quotes,
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Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

by Jim Morrison Found in: Funny Quotes,
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I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

by Winston Churchill Found in: Funny Quotes,
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If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

by Tom Snyder Found in: Funny Quotes,
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Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

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A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

by Paul Klee Found in: Funny Quotes,
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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

by Groucho Marx Found in: Funny Quotes,
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