Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.