There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is read more

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them read more

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.