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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

by Groucho Marx Found in: Funny Quotes,
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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

by Jim Morrison Found in: Funny Quotes,
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In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

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Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only read more

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

by Al Franken Found in: Funny Quotes,
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A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

by Paul Klee Found in: Funny Quotes,
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There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

by Pj O'rourke Found in: Funny Quotes,
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After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

by William S. Burroughs Found in: Funny Quotes,
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A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

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