I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them read more

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

What you get free costs too much.

What you get free costs too much.

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.rn

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.rn

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back