My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.